30 Reasons SGA 1 Might Kill You!
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: John Sheppard, Ronan Dex, Teyla Emmagan & Rodney McKay; SGA-1, premier gate team of ATLANTIS...and they all want you dead...here are 30 Reasons WHY... Mildly AU, please Review!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or any of the associated characters...**

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><p><strong>~*30 Reasons SGA-1 Might KILL You*~<strong>

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><p>1. Asking Colonel Sheppard to look after your pet Iratus Bug, that you have named, "Carl".<p>

**2. Taking Ronan's blaster without asking…even if you get away with it, he will track you down eventually…**

3. Making a lewd Kirk-esque suggestion about Hot Alien Women to Teyla…when she got back from asking John or Rodney what it meant, she will kill you…with one hand tied behind her back.

**4. Placing card-board cut-outs of lemons all over McKay's workspace is hazardous to your health…try to be discrete. **

5. Attending Dr Weir's funeral and mentioning in your speech what a hot body she had; continuous re-hashing of the point [with the accompaniment of a) slideshows; b) pictures; c) videos; d) sketches or lewd hand gestures…or any/all of the above] will result in instant, agonising death. Even if it is only spontaneous combustion from SGA-1's combined glares…

**6. Loudly commenting you own the last Brownie in the Mess Hall, as you licked it…Ronan loves Brownies. You should run…fast.**

7. Deliberately crashing your Jumper into the Quarters of any of SGA-1…particularly Dr McKay…

**8. Mentioning to Ronan that you really think he should be with John…**

9. Or, if you are particularly suicidal, …with Rodney!

**10. Taking baby Torren without first telling Teyla and making it a giant game of 'Hide and Seek' to get him back…**

11. Loudly inquire what it is the four of them _do_ in the backs of those _spacious_ [stress this point] PuddleJumpers on the long, unchaperoned trips in space…

**12.** **Watch Teyla for several days until she becomes uncomfortable…when she finally approaches you, look sympathetic and **_**Carefully **_**phrase the words, "Why yes, your butt does look big in those skin-tight leather pants!" **

13. Say them to Ronan…you won't get the opportunity to run…

**14. Removing coffee from the Science Rooms…McKay will bury you himself if he has to!**

15. Getting the Stargate up and Running, and just before they step through…hit the cancel button and yell, "Psyche!"

**16. Casually remarking to Teyla and Elizabeth that they make a cute couple…**

17. When Teyla is singing the sacred funeral song of her people…loudly cut across the beautiful vocals to ask if she knows "Old McDonald Had a Farm"?

**18. Just to completely frustrated the Head of Science…remove ALL the control crystals you can find and mix them together, you might die…but it will be worth it to see him come roaring up the corridor, brandishing a Stunner.**

19. Have a fake-auction, where you attempt to sell off the SGA-1 Members, without their knowledge…attempting to put chains on them is optional, but not advised; you will need that time to escape for a distant planet…

**20. Ask Ronan why he has a stuffed Wraith Doll on his bed, in the middle of the Mess Hall…**

21. Let several Genii into the City, justify your actions to Dr Weir by stating, "They were allowed to enter the City on the grounds that we were going to play an AWESOME Game of Hide'n'Seek!" Look sheepish and then ask, "Uh…can you help me find them, again?"

**22. Dye any member of the team's hair pink…triple points for Ronan, bonus if Rodney tries to kill you…**

23. Modify a Wraith Stunner into a Joy-Buzzer and make sure to shake hands with EVERYONE you meet…even if it _does_ send them into a coma…

**24. Loudly proclaiming that you though 'Sam' was a silly name for the whale-thingy outside, and you have decided to name it, "Bob the Second"…in full view [and auditory range] of Dr Rodney McKay…if you survive the confrontation, there are three other members of the team who like to keep their little scientist happy and would like a word…**

25. Rewiring the Jumper's speakers to play random music at ear-splitting volume whenever the rear-hatch is lowered; or installing a timer to be set off at approx. the time SGA-1 covertly arrive on board a Wraith Hive… if they survive, you're screwed…

**26. Spread the rumour that Ronan is marrying a Wraith Queen…or that you caught any combination of John, Teyla, Rodney and Ronan in the back of PuddleJumper One and describe in great detail whatever imagination throws to mind…**

27. Pushing Rodney into a vat of Lemon Chicken…and adding Dr Carson Beckett, and the entire Scientific Community of Atlantis to your growing list of enemies…and being sound in the knowledge no one will question your sudden disappearance in the night, when SGA-1 come for you…

**28. Mentioning to John Sheppard you think he should be with Rodney…**

29. Trying to point out the scientific advantages of marrying John…to Rodney McKay.

**30. Explaining to any or all members what a Slash Fic is…**

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><p><strong>Thanks for Reading, please REVIEW!^^<strong>

**~*SailorSilvaanesti*~**


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